Coke Zero

By Andariel Halo

 

Coke Zero is not Coke.

Anyone with a functioning set of tastebuds could tell you this. But I was motivated, not by money because this site doesn't pay me shit, but by my extended family members who have seemingly fallen for Coke Zero, and been exclaiming "It's so much like Coke! It tastes just the same!"

Well people I'm going to say no, it does not taste the same.

This bastard-bitch abortion is the result of the idiot crowd of fashionistas, diet freaks, and environmentalists, and all those left-wing idiots hated by the likes of George Carlin (praise be upon him) and Lewis Black and all those other chucklehead comedians everyone loves. These ASSHOLES, when they want to seem "hip" and not drink that bastard with the piss-poor reputation Diet Coke, decide "ew I'm on a diet, so I can't drink Coke" because it's clearly that 100 calories in a single can of Coke that will get you fat as a eunuch and not the whole "not exercising" or anything. CLEARLY!

So because these fat assholes are afraid to exercise, and thus risk chemically killing themselves with South Beach Diet and Atkins, rather than hunting their own food for a change and see how the pounds burn off, Coke decides to milk these sons of bitches for cash by releasing Coke Zero.

They hype the shit out of Coke Zero with retarded commercials of two Coke employees worrying about copyright infringement of the Coke recipe used in Coke Zero, and threaten to sue themselves for Coke Zero, because either the Coca Cola company is a very loose confederacy, or they are pitiable victims of the very tragic disease of "TSTL" = Too Stupid To Live.

In my experiences with Coke Zero, Coke Zero has had two distinct flavors:
1) Chek Cola
2) Diet Chek Cola

So maybe to avoid copyright infringement in itself (a conundrum if you try to think about it), they simply rename "Chek Cola" with "Coke Zero" in their commercials, because judging by the flavor, they've clearly ripped off Chek Cola and are now charging Coke prices for Brand X Chek.

I certainly hope I don't get cancer from all the artificial sweetener used in that last can I just had a few minutes ago, because I'm going to sue those mangy bastards for basically using Diet Coke in their Coke Zero and claiming it were TOTALLY different from Diet Coke and TOTALLY similar to Coke.

No. It is not. And I'm not one to judge... Well no, I AM one to judge, that if you claim it is the same, you are Wrong and a fucking retard. Get your fucking tongue fixed.

Coke Zero is not Coke. Coke Zero is Chek Cola. And if Chek had enough money, they would probably sue.